pissing match

The title of this post describes the battle that I am knee deep in with E. How long can a mother expect to have to wait for her child to follow a directive?  One minute, one hour, one day? It was on day 3 that I took the clothes from the floor of the first floor bathroom and back entry. It could be argued that I fired the first shot.

The years spent together have not served to minimize the conflicts.  We were told from day one, that an adopted child cannot be expected to conform to a ready made family. We the parents must conform to the child.  As a result,  we took advantage of “kid time” a group for adopted kids and their sibs, multiple therapists, and untold hours of education regarding the effects of trauma, and exposure to alcohol on the developing child.  My language and style of interacting were molded by all that I had been taught. Build the relationship and the rest will follow. Still rather than  falling into the rhythm of family life, this child continues to fight it tooth and nail.

On Sunday I let him know that cleaning the bathroom was the ransom I was due in  exchange for his belongings.  As of this morning, they remain in my possession. This is a child that was born to cut off his nose to spite his face. Two mornings in a row he spews expletives my way, angry that he is without his sweatshirts, black skinnies and belt. Something deep within is preventing him from paying the ransom. Long ago a therapist told me that these kids hold on tight so as not to lose themselves along the way. My dilemma?  How to break through the stubborn without inflicting more pain?

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2 thoughts on “pissing match

  1. Adoptees seeking a positive outcome in life must learn to avoid blaming their state of affairs on past events, lifestyles, conditions, and the environment. This is the lesson we learn from the most endearing adoption stories of all time. That is why Little Orphan Annie, Anne of Green Gables, Oliver Twist, Heidi, and other favorite adoption stories (Adoption Detective) have remained so popular for so many generations. What the main characters all have in common is an optimistic personality with a positive outlook. Their happiness is defined by their own free will, based on a desire to improve their state of affairs through hard work, a positive attitude, diligence, and a desire to help others, and in the end they all succeed.
    http://judithland.wordpress.com/2013/01/05/are-adoptees-victims-of-circumstances/

  2. I saw a post the other day that so described a few of my adopted kids. It isn’t the problem that’s the problem, Its your attitude about the problem. I have at least two kids determined to be unhappy. I don’t have any wise answers but I so understand where you’re coming from.

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