go away, come back

These are the unspoken words of  a child with attachment issues.  They want to be in relationship with others, but often can handle that relationship only in small doses.  My son came home from school today visibly upset. He complained of a headache. “Take me to the doctor, I think that I have a concussion.”  This request was followed by his attempts to pick a fight with me.  Sometimes the inner turmoil is so overpowering that he needs to create external conflict to match his feelings.  (My parental version of psycho-babble.)

When the answer to his next question elicited a “no”  response from me, he became angry.  “I fuckin hate you. Don’t ever talk to me again.”  Later as I was getting into my van to go to class, he opened the back door and yelled goodbye.  This is the push/pull dance of attachment.

Upon arriving home from class tonight I was greeted by a happy energy filled child.  He had gone out for a haircut with his dad and was very happy to absorb the attention that I showered on him.  We enjoyed playful moments as I asked him to show me some of his dance moves. He said that I could join his “jerking crew.”  I danced and he laughed. Later, he curled up on the couch where I was sitting and placing his head in my lap, took the lead as we danced the dance of attachment.

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2 thoughts on “go away, come back

  1. Thank you for sharing these special moments with your son. When this type of behavior happens, you can see that maybe there is hope that he’ll outgrow his anger and frustrations. Bless you and Tom for taking such good care of this beautiful child. I, too, will go to bed with happy thoughts of E.

  2. Oh, what a great story! Few and far between but something you’ll have to remember a savor.

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